controlling negative self-talk: the taoist teaching (part 3/3)

Apr 3, 2016 | Other Popular Teachings

Illusion-of-Confusion-Part-3v3

summary

Discover the Taoist teaching on your self-talk, and simple steps to control your negative, self-sabotaging inner-critic.

This is part 3 of a three-part teaching series on how to master your mindset and emotions for an authentic and purpose filled life.

In this series we explore three key personal and spiritual lessons:

#1: Understanding the purpose of your emotional feelings and how to manage them.

#2: How your beliefs, thoughts and words create your life direction.

#3: Understanding ‘who is talking and who is listening’ – this means taking control of your self-talk and your mind.

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full teaching transcript

David James Lees:

Hello, and welcome to the third and final installment of this Wu Wei Wisdom teaching series.

In this session we’ll continue to unravel the ‘illusion of confusion’ and explore how you can reject the harmful misunderstandings, untruths and lies that your mind may sometimes offer you, so that you can start living a spiritually guided life of love, happiness and true purpose.

In part one we considered the first spiritual lesson on how to understand and control your emotional feelings; in part two we reviewed the second lesson on why your beliefs, thoughts and words create your life direction.

In this teaching we move on to the third spiritual lesson:

Understanding who is talking and who is listening, when you hear the dialogue that goes on inside your head.

And how you can begin to take positive, loving control of this self-talk.

If not monitored and managed correctly, your mind can offer you all sorts of misinterpretations and lies about you and the world around you. Your self-talk will either align or disconnect you from your true potential.

If you’re ever unsure of the authenticity and intent of your self-talk, listen to it when you wake up in the middle of the night. I call this the ‘3am Mind’!

Think for a moment, when you’re lying awake and staring into the darkness, when has your mind ever said to you: “aren’t you doing well!”… “I think tomorrow will be a great day for you!”…. “there’s absolutely nothing for you to worry or fret about in your life right now!” – it’s never says this, in fact, it nearly always says the direct opposite!

An untamed and unbalanced mind can be very judgmental and incredibly, unmercifully critical of you. It will pick apart and belittle your achievements and negatively compare you against others. This includes people you know and people you don’t know (what I call ‘the faceless jury’!).

Does this sound familiar? When you hear that little voice inside your head chatting away, have you ever wondered: Who or what is talking to me here? Where is this voice coming from? And why is telling me this? What does it hope to achieve by being so negative all the time?

I’d like you to understand that when your mind talks at you like this, it’s playing a game with you.

Once you pay attention to it and accept what it’s telling you, almost as if it’s an all-knowing, superior and critical judge that somehow knows best, the mind has now created the illusion of separation.

The Taoists teach that there can be no separation.

Your mind and body (the human, physical part of you) and your authentic spirit or ‘Shen’ (the non-physical part of you), are one.

They then take this teaching one step further. They consider that it should be your expansive and creative, authentic spirit, higher-self and Shen that takes the driving seat in guiding your life and potential, not your human mind, which can be doubting and so restrictive.

The Taoists believe that your Shen should be the loving and nurturing Mother to the learning and growing Child that is your human mind, but the two must always work harmoniously together as one.

And this is Wu Wei.

So what happens when you fall for the illusion of separation and start to let your human-centred mind call the shots?

If you only ever perceive yourself through the narrowly focused gaze of your human mind, your life and the world around you becomes a very distorted and restricted place. Everything unknown or out of your control becomes an uncertain threat, a reason to doubt, a motive to stay to still or withdraw, rather than push forward, try new things, stepping out of your comfort zone, to learn and grow.

The human centred mind’s primary role is to keep you safe and protected, both physically and emotionally. Its role is not to help and encourage you reach your true potential and emotional freedom.

When you start to believe your mind is separate and that it knows best about what’s right and wrong, it will cause you to doubt yourself and your abilities more and more, this is what I call the ‘carousel of familiarity and despair’.

The mind will also always question and try to undermine the purpose and validity of you inner-spirit and Shen because of its non-physical, abstract and indefinable nature, which it cannot understand.

Your untamed and unbalanced human mind will instead encourage to stay on the carousel as it misguidedly believes this is where you are protected and safe. This is also where it can be more in control of what happens to you. It wants you to stay in your comfort zone, even though this comfort zone may be extremely restrictive and unsuccessful for you.

And you know what… when you are unsuccessful or unhappy because your mind has persuaded and guided you to do something that is inauthentic and goes against your natural path of flow and personal energetic expansion, it then blames you when things go wrong. How paradoxical and ironic is that!

So what’s the solution to all of this?

How can you retake control of your mind, become authentic and truthful to the wholeness and Oneness of you, and reach your highest potential?

The answer is: never allow your mind to trick you into believing that you cannot control it or that it knows best.

Yes, it really is that simple!

Instead of constantly punishing yourself by becoming angry, self-critical or self-doubting, why not re-channel this energy into learning to discipline your thinking?

Try this technique:

Imagine your mind as if it were your Inner-Child, which needs love, support, emotional and spiritual education and guidance.

Remember the ‘Mother – Child‘ relationship I spoke about earlier? You’re now going to work on developing the relationship between your human mind (the Child) and your inner-spirit and Shen (the Mother), so that it becomes a healthy, harmonious and blossoming loving partnership.

So first, learn to ‘sit with it’. What I mean by this is to enter into dialogue with your inner-child and that part of you that is restrictive, headstrong and wants its own way, and you do this through meditation and mindfulness. This can be challenging at first as your mind and Inner-Child may be used to ‘ruling the roost’ and it’s likely to have a temper tantrum or to sulk when you start to show it that it’s no longer in control.

No matter how difficult this process of opening up a dialogue may be, always support your Inner-Child and reassure it that you are there to help, not harm; you will listen; that you are not separate but are a team, at one with your divine inner-spirit and the Cosmos.

This is the way of the Tao, this is your way of truth and love.

The process of quietly ‘sitting with’ your Inner-Child and the dialogue of your mind, will allow you to question the validity of your self-talk and the restrictive, comparing, critical and judgmental views of your mind.

Together you can begin to explore the broader landscape beyond the limited statements and options your mind offers. Here you will always find other, more authentic and truthful, perspectives and solutions.

With practice, this mindful process will transform your life and put you on the path to authenticity, emotional freedom and your true potential.

Over time, your restrictive, controlling mind and Inner-Child will start to truly believe that it can trust you to take control, that you can cope and manage challenging situations, and that your higher-self, inner-spirit and Shen can make profound decisions that are authentically right for the wholeness of you.

You are now a team with important roles to play for the greater good of the whole, this is oneness, and this is the Tao. Together you are a creative, resourceful and unstoppable force – mind, body and spirit… or as the Taoists say spirit, mind and body!

I hope you have enjoyed this teaching series and that it has empowered you to reject and step away from the mind’s tricks and illusions and the confusion, and towards your divine path of truth and love.

~~~

I wish you well on your journey…

Yi Tao Qi Tao

David

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