how to find relaxation, happiness, ease and determination
summary
In this interview for Top Sante Magazine, David James Lees shares the Wu Wei Wisdom approach to relaxation, happiness, ease and determination, and offers his practical tips on how to experience these ‘green-light emotions’ in your life.
“…Happiness, joy and love are simply the by-products and helpful indicators that confirm when you’re on your authentic path and living your truth…”
finding relaxation
Relaxation is something that most people seek – what is the Wu Wei Wisdom definition of relaxation?
I would interpret relaxation as being ‘in your flow’ or being ‘in your zone’. The ancient Chinese Taoists refer to this state of inner-harmony and balance where life happens effortlessly, as ‘Wu Wei’.
Even though you may not have experienced it for a while, this is actually your natural state of being.
You do NOT have to retreat to a tranquil environment or meditate for hours to achieve deep inner-relaxation and peace. Nor do you need to be physically at rest – you can be extremely busy with work or home life but still be operating from a state of relaxed and effortless flow.
Relaxation comes from living your authentic truth and purpose.
Striving for perfection which does not exist, or constantly comparing, criticising or judging yourself will disconnect you from this default state of relaxation. You’ll also experience what I call ‘red-light feelings’, of stress, anxiety and depression etc.
How can we achieve a state of relaxation?
Many of my clients enquire “how do I LET GO of my bad habits of comparing, criticising and being judgemental?” and I reply by asking them: “why are you HOLDING ON?!”
To reconnect with relaxation you don’t need to learn a new or complicated technique or lifestyle practice but instead, let go of everything that causes disharmony within you.
In my experience, the main culprits are unrealistic personal standards based on misguided core-beliefs and the constant negative self-talk that these beliefs generate.
The next time you experience any uncomfortable red-light feelings, simply pause and ask yourself the powerful ‘why?’ self-enquiry question. then keep on following your answers with further questioning – the Taoists call this ‘following the Golden Thread’ – I use this same process when coaching my clients.
So, for example:
‘why am I driving myself so hard?’… may lead to:
‘why do I want to be perfect?’… may lead to:
‘why does what other people think about me matter so much?’ …etc.
This process will unravel your thinking and expose any inauthentic and harmful beliefs that you may be holding onto.
Knowledge is power, and so from this place of greater understanding you can now begin to take full self-responsibility for your mindset and emotions.
You can choose to reject any thoughts and beliefs that are separating you from your natural state of relaxation and flow.
finding happiness
What is the Wu Wei Wisdom approach to finding happiness?
An important mantra that I teach all my clients is: “you are the creator of your emotions, not a victim of them”.
So, whether you’re experiencing happiness and love (‘green-light emotions’) or tension and stress (‘red-light emotions’), YOU have created these feelings.
Many people spend their entire lives searching externally for something or someone else to give them feelings of happiness, joy and love etc.
In reality, these can only be found internally, through deep self-acceptance and experiencing life in a way that is personally meaningful and fulfilling to you.
Happiness, joy and love are simply the by-products and helpful indicators that confirm when you’re on your authentic path and living your truth.
The first step to achieving lasting happiness is through the practice of self-love and self-nourishment. The Taoists call this ‘Ch’ang’ (pronounced ‘chee-ang’ [we also have a teaching album on this topic]).
You may have been taught that loving yourself is selfish when in fact the opposite is true! By loving and nurturing yourself, you’ll become happier and more energised and so have more to give to others.
Self-love begins with your self-talk and ensuring that your inner-dialogue is as compassionate and supportive as it would be with a good friend.
You can then extend your self-nurturing practice by making time each day to experiment with and do more of the things that give you positive green-light feelings.
This could be enjoying a creative hobby or project, learning a new skill, walking in nature or gardening, catching up on a good book or film, or simply enjoying a long bath etc.
finding ease
How would you define ‘ease’ and what can we do to experience it more often in a world where we may believe we’re not good enough, or don’t fit in?
Being at ease is another green-light feeling. It arises when you are comfortable in your own skin and living with honesty and integrity.
This principle gets tested most acutely if you compromise yourself, your needs and your self-worth, to please or placate other people.
Many people do this because they subconsciously believe one of what I call ‘the three lies’:
‘I am not good enough’…
‘I can’t cope’…
or ‘I’m unlovable’.
These lies are at odds with the flow of energy (Qi/Chi) in the universe and so they create intensely uncomfortable or painful red-light feelings – the opposite of ease!
No matter how much you try to relax or enjoy life, you CANNOT be at ease with yourself or anyone else if these lies are buried within your core-beliefs.
This is why you need to do the (Golden Thread) self-inquiry work and root out and reject any harmful beliefs that are guiding your life.
finding determination
Determination is regarded as a great quality to have – is there a Wu Wei Wisdom theory around how we develop greater determination to achieve a goal?
Determination is a very important concept in Wu Wei Wisdom and fundamental to this is the Taoist principle of ‘Yi’ (pronounced ‘yeee’) or ‘intention’.
The ancient Taoist saying that relates to this is: ‘Yi Tao Qi Tao’, which can be loosely translated as: ‘where your intention goes, energy flows’. This teaching is essential to the Law of Attraction work I do with both my personal and business coaching clients.
The first step in goal setting and manifestation is to create a crystal-clear and focused idea about what you’d like to achieve – so no fuzzy or contradictory thinking.
It’s also vital that this should also be inspired by a path or outcome that is 100% truthful to you, regardless of what other people think or want you to do.
When you set your ‘Yi’ or intention this way, it will be much easier to follow it through with boundless energy and passion because it is intrinsically connected to an authentic and deep-seated drive within you.
If things don’t go according to plan or you encounter a setback, your unwavering enthusiasm will also help guide you through to success!
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